Losing My Virginity

February 18,2017 I lost my virginity. I don’t know whether to be really happy or scared or what. It was so fun oh my god me and Jake went out for breakfast cause he texted me out of nowhere I haven’t talked to him forever but he asked if I wanted to go so we met up at the place we wanted to eat at but then it was full and a wait so we went to different food places and we smoked all I was way higher than him but anywho we were in my MOMS CAR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD OMG. I SUCKED HIM SO MUCH HE LOVED IT SND HE ATE ME OUT LMAO IT WAS ALRIGHT BUT HE STUCK IT IN AND IT FELT SO GOOD OMG OH AND BTW I BOUGHT PLAN B EVEN THO HE DIDNT CUM IN ME I JUST GOT IT TO BE SAFE I TOOK IT AKREADY I HOPE I DONT GET PREGNANT IM SO HAPPY XOXO KATE

Trump Won the Election…

It’s Kate, I was not planning on blogging until I found out at around 2 AM that Donald Trump had won the election. I want to know what you guys think of this, any Trump supporters? I can say and not even care if anyone gets mad that half of America made a HUGE mistake by voting for Donald Trump. Despite the fact that he’s a “good businessman” most of his money today comes by way of his celebrity, not his business skills. He has also filed bankruptcy many times, which means he makes horrible decisions and has gone broke… more than once. Besides that why in the FUCK do women not care that he has no respect for you?! Donald Trump does not respect women he’s a misogynist,racist,homophobic ass hole. I am truly scared for the future of this country. Hopefully he changes in some way and changes America in a good way, which I highly doubt. I feel so bad for my girl Hillary I mean honestly all the shit against Trump and all Trump supporters can say about her are the stupid emails?! I mean yeah I get she isn’t the best either but she’s not that bad and she’s definitely better than Trump. I’m so glad my parents voted for her. Breaks my heart to know she worked so hard and has been involved in this shit all her life while Donald Trump is an inexperienced dumb f**k. She was supposed to be the first female president 😦 I’m so sad. On another note I fuckng love Hamilton the Broadway musical.

xoxo Kate

My blog is slowly dying

Hey readers,

if you’re reading this then thank you because I haven’t had many readers on my last postings even though I haven’t blogged in forever. I apologize, its just with school and trying to find  a job I haven’t had much time, plus nothing really interesting has happened with me lately. It makes me sad because I am not motivated to blog anymore and I don’t know why. Makes me sad. Till next time… whenever that is.

xoxo Kate

Halloween

All my life, Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. I love Halloween. The scares, the costumes, the candy, the adrenaline rush of being scared. I love it all. Not knowing what’s coming next, whatever I do on Halloween I do it as if I’m part of a horror film. This year unfortunately, Halloween falls on a Monday night… bummer. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet but I will try and make it as great as I can. I hung out with Ali and Connor yesterday, it was so fun oh my god. I hadn’t seen them in a  month and it was so great. We want to hang out on Halloween night. I want to go to Bunnyman Bridge so bad. It’s not far from so it’s definitely easy to do just the fact that all this clown stuff has been going on, I’m sure there’ll be a clown or two hanging around there, hahaha. I still want to go,fuck it. I don’t know if I’m dressing up this Halloween or what. I’ll probably spark before I go out so I’ll be smacked when I’m out on the town. I want to do something scary though, that’s for sure. Anyone got any ideas? Anyone ever played with a ouija board before? Is it a bad idea?

Kate

Purity

I just finished watching one of my favorite movies, Ask Me Anything. I was just eating a Krispy Kreme donut, they just opened one about 12 minutes from my house and it is crazy over there!!! The lines for KK are out the door! I went with Lee and I ordered a dozen and since it was so crazy I don’t think they knew I already got my donuts because another worker called my name for my donuts and gave me ANOTHER DOZEN DONUTS THINKING I  HADN’T GOTTEN THEM YET! Now I know the right thing to do would be to give them back and tell them I already got mine but c’mon we waited in like for like 20 minutes, I’m not passing up extra free donuts! That’s besides the point of this post though, 2 days ago (the 28th) would’ve been me and Enrique’s one year anniversary if we were still talking. Crazy how fast time flies! I miss him kinda. I miss having a guy to talk to everyday. Homecoming is on October 22 I believe, I really want someone to ask me but I know that won’t happen and it makes me sad. I want a date to homecoming so bad, I want to go but I wouldn’t go alone obviously and I don’t have many friends that actually want to go to homecoming. I still haven’t even addressed the point of this post, which if you look at the title, is purity. I don’t know if that’s the right word to use but I’m wondering when the right time to lose my virginity is. I’m not saying I want to lose it soon, I’m just wondering when the right time is. Are any of you non virgins? What’s it like your first time? Does it hurt a lot? There are so many things I want to try before I do, not just sex. I feel like life is wayyyy too short! It scares me just thinking about dying and to die without doing everything you wanted to do in life is even scarier. I want to experience all the things the world has to offer me, good and bad. I’m eating sour patch kids right now, wondering why I have barely blogged this month by the way I’m so sorry about that. I will start to blog a lot more I just feel like my life hasn’t been very interesting anymore. My Mac Demarco poster came in the mail today and I’m wearing my Mac Demarco shirt and I just love him so much, do any of you listen to him?

xoxo Kate

Distance

If my “friends” are going to let the fact that we go to two different schools be the reason why we never hang out or talk anymore then they obviously don’t care for the friendship at all. I see how this has all played out and I think to myself, how can they be so heartless? How can they just completely try and pretend they never met me? How can you treat someone who cares for you so much and always tries to see you like complete shit? i’ll ask to hang out and they both say they can’t, literally at the same time too meaning they probably texted each other and said to say no. They won’t even say “well hey we can hang out this day instead” they just say no and that’s the end of it. I try so hard to keep this friendship going cause I thought we were all so great together but obviously I was the only one who thought that. I just texted them in the group chat and told them I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one who cares and that I can’t be their friend anymore. It’s been like 5 minutes still no reply from either one, no surprise there.

Kate

My Sexuality

I don’t know what I am exactly. I don’t want to be labeled as anything tbh. I hate labels and I don’t want to call myself “bi” I DON’T KNOW!!! I always feel like I really like my girl friend but then I also think I like my guy friend but why do I like them both?!! and at the same time?!!! I don’t even know do I just think I like them, because I would never want to be in a real relationship with either of them that’s for sure. I don’t know what I want. I can’t imagine myself in a relationship with anyone, I don’t want a relationship or even just a thing. I just like being alone. I just want to hang out with them all the time, not cause I think I like them but because they are my closest friends in my eyes and I want to be with them. I flirt with so many people though and all of the people I flirt with they think we’re talking or have a thing but I have no feelings for them but I make it seem like I do. I’m a monster, I’m a jerk, what the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t even find it fun or anything but its like with all of the people I’m “talking” to they all like think I really like them and I don’t know how to tell them I don’t like them at all. I crave attention. I love when I’m getting attention, it makes me feel good and like I’m not a complete loser with no one that cares about me. I hate myself why am I like this. I need to just stop talking to everyone and keep to myself. I just want my 2 good friends by my side and I wouldn’t care about being a relationship or anything, they’re all I need. They make me happy, just as friends though obviously. Just want my friends to hang out with me, is that too much to ask?? I don’t want a relationship at all.

feeling alone

Today was my first day of my junior year. I walk to the second floor of the school and see a girl who I believe is Ali, imagine my excitement and then imagine my disappointment and sadness when I soon realize its not her and she doesn’t even go to my school anymore. First class, 1 friend, boring ass class, way too long. Second class; art. Teacher does not let us go on our phone at all, only have 1 acquaintance if you will and she’s alright but no real friends in that class. I then go to lunch with Bren and Lee, my friends. I was so sad thinking that I will never walk the halls with Connor and Ali ever again and we will never share laughs in spanish class or even eat lunch with them like I used to on gold days.  My third class is earth science, I took chem last year and bio the year before so I still hadn’t taken earth science yet so I’m taking it now. NOT ONE FRIEND. This teacher btw lets us do whatever, I know cause Ali had her last year so it sucks that its an easy going class but I have no friends so I’ll just be sad for a whole hour and a half every other day cause of that class and my lack of friends and social skills. Last class of the day, intro to theatre. It would be a blast if I had some real friends in there like imagine if me and Connor or me and Ali were in that class together, we would be laughing every second of the class. Instead I had this annoying girl that I only talked to occasionally last year, she’s been in school plays before so she was acting like she was an expert at everything all class. I got home and I cried. I cried so hard, I had never felt a loss like this before. It’s weird, I felt so alone all day even though I had people to talk to but since Ali wasn’t there I just felt so sad all day and I felt like there was no way the day could be good since she wasn’t there. I miss her so much and Connor 😦 I don’t know what to do omg I don’t want to go to their school but I hate them not being here! Why did they have to go the new school in the first place?! I’m so sad omg I’m also so scared for tomorrow I wonder how it will go, if I’ll make new friends or something I don’t know, I’m terrified. All I know is I don’t feel the same without Connor and Ali by my side and it makes me so sad cause I feel like they don’t even care that I’m not there with them. I feel like it doesn’t affect them like it does me. I’m pathetic, I’m sad over them when they probably don’t care. I’m so sad, that’s all I can say.

Kate

 

being treated differently

My mom treats me way different than my sisters and I am so sick of it! I hate it so much. They are seniors and I am a junior but we’re all 16 years old. They are turning 17 on Sept. 5. They are twins and she always uses that as an excuse as to why they can do stuff and I can’t??? I am not allowed to sleepover at my friends house but they have a million times just cause they’re together. I’ve been asking my mom to take me to get my conch pierced forever! She always says no, guess what. My sisters and my mom are on their way to the tattoo shop so they can get their conch pierced while I’m at home watching my little sister. I was supposed to ride with my friend Lee in her car on the first day of school, like I’m a junior fuck I look like riding the bus to school like what. She was going to come get me and ya know we’d drive to school. My mom said no you’re riding the bus, my sisters are driving to school. She says I can’t ride with them either and that I have to ride the bus. Like what the fuck?! Why is she so mean to me, why does she treat me so different? Why won’t she even let me ride to school with my own sisters?! She said she’s going to talk to my dad and make sure I’m not allowed to ride to school with anyone and I have to ride the bus. HOW DOES IT AFFECT HER HOW I GET TO SCHOOL?! WHY DOES IT MATTER IF I RIDE TO SCHOOL WITH LEE OR EVEN MY OWN SISTERS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?! She’s so mean to me and when I tell her she treats me differently, she doesn’t even say anything and basically just ignores me. I am not speaking to her. I still need to buy school clothes and get my hair cut but I guess I just have to go to my dad for money and stuff since she obviously doesn’t care about me or anything I want, like did I do something that she hates me for some reason? She’s always so mean to me. I asked her to give me a valid reason as to why I cant get a ride to school and then she just started talking to my other sister. She’ll see what its like to be ignored and I can guarantee she won’t like it or maybe she won’t even care cause she obviously doesn’t care about me anyways.

Kate

mac & my “crush”

I realized I don’t like my friend, the girl I didn’t say her name? That one. I don’t like her, I just really missed her. I saw Mac at the gym yesterday nd we talked for a few seconds, then I left. When I got home I texted him and said “what’s your favorite song off Blonde?” which if you guys don’t know, its Frank Ocean’s new album. I love self control, Ivy, and Nights. We talked all night after that, till like 1 am. It was awesome, he’s great. He is awesome and he is just like me, we talked about Ali for a bit and I told him how I don’t think we’ll be friends longer and all that and he was saying “NO YOU GUYS HAVE TO BE FRIENDS SHE TALKS ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME AND HOW SHE DOESNT WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO YOUR FRIENDSHIP” and today like right now as we speak they are at the orientation for their new school and they keep putting each other in their snapchats and stuff. Well Ali texted in the group chat talking to me and stuff, obviously Mac told her something, but I don’t really care I’m actually kind of glad he did. During the convo Ali asked me when I get my schedule and she started talking about hers an then her and Connor started talking bout how happy they are with their classes and stuff so I stopped replying and now I’m sad again. They will forget about me.

Kate